How Soon I Forget

by monochromesun

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“God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.” -C.S. Lewis

Every. freaking. day. I need this reminder. It seems now more than ever. Denver, as I may have told you before, is a land of plenty. To be honest, I am beginning to feel paralyzed on the weekends because there are so many options.

I have experienced continuous success at work, and the friendships keep coming, and the opportunities keep expanding and the confidence keeps growing. However, I do not feel satisfied or fulfilled or even terribly excited when I reflect on all of this. I worry about what “more” will look like.

My biggest challenge is to quiet myself in this place – and frankly – I don’t think the quiet will come from climbing a mountain or reflecting by a glacier lake. I think the quiet will come at home, in the midst of the place I circle the drain, where I cannot hide from my fear or anxiety or emptiness or victim mentality.