Marking This Moment

by monochromesun

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Okay, so. Denver feels like home.

It happened subtly over the past two months. I began realizing my familiarity with lower downtown’s city streets had led me to recognize patterns and people and places that I’ve come to rely on. And not just rely on, but internally admire or love.

On the same block as my office there is a business called The Barth Hotel. On the outside it looks like a hip hostel or decent hotel, but it is actually a low-income housing facility for seniors with disabilities (seniors being only 65+). There are numerous seniors who come out each morning to sit on the 4-5 benches in front of the hotel to smoke or watch the morning go by. One in particular appears less than senior and has chosen his life’s work to be sweeping the sidewalk from the corner to the alley framing the hotel. I have come to rely on him sweeping every morning, quietly ignoring me for diligence-sake, as I walk past ignoring him from caffeine depravity. Or there is the jolly man who stands as I approach at the end of the day asking, “can I talk to you!?” followed by my usual response of “no, I need to get home.” He accepts my answer with surprise each time, but is just as glad to see me the next day.

I have learned a lot since moving to Denver. I find myself reading heartily again, engaging deeper into politics, listening to great lectures on my 1 hour commute. I constantly consider why I haven’t finished school. In all of this I am learning it is okay to be where I am. School is a valuable means to an end, but for now it is okay to rely on the EQ I have been given and vocational skills I ravenously desire to develop. Drive, steadfastness and an eagerness to absorb the world of finance are getting me far.

Joe is wonderful. Being married is a gift. It is really something to be unified to another soul whose relationship with God is different from one’s own. The relationships my parents had with God were shaping, informative and impressive to me. I can say the same of my friends’. The relationship to God that my spouse has, however, is unique, mysterious and further impacting to an extent which I have yet to understand. I am wading through this.

My singing continues. I have been on our church’s worship team for over a year now. The team challenges me and allows me to feel like a small fish in a large pond. I do not have the most skilled or stylized voice, so in that sense I am able to shed expectation and focus on grinding the skill.

Our social life is ever-blossoming. There are just so many great, easy people to choose from. I feel equally comfortable by myself as I do when Joe is around and, in general, we just have awesome friends. I know I take them for granted, because my focus is often on work or life beyond Denver or whatever else I’m working through. I have also found a deep sense of camaraderie with many of my co-workers, which is so darn life giving.

This past Fall we took a trip to Pennsylvania, a trip to Florida and then I returned solo to Florida – all three times, upon return, I distinctly remember Ubering home from the airport, starting at the flat land that leads to the mountains, as the sun was often setting, thinking Denver was becoming home a little more each time.

I hate to publish this, because each paragraph is a shallow summary of elements of my life, but I must do something to mark this moment… this moment when I acknowledge that this might be my 3rd home.